Friday, December 12, 2008

My head is full of circling ideas and half thoughts and cockeyed schemes. None are coming clear and I'm left with a restlessness of the mind (but definitely not the body). Can't even settle on something to watch/read/work on. It's the kind of day where I just want to hole up and be cozy while it's gross outside, but I apparently feel that I need some project to take advantage of the holing up time. And I can't think of any project that I want to do.

Maybe it's just a dissonance from thinking I should be doing something, even though there's nothing I technically have to do. It's a low income month, and I've been thinking about that. That inevitably leads to some agitation over all the wrong things, which is just frustrating. It's like I'm almost stirred to action but at a time when there's no action to be taken, and I search for a substitute. Then it's over. Of course, if there comes a time when action should be taken, I quite possibly will not recognize it, and it will pass by unnoticed.

I know everyone has weird mental blocks, and it's in their nature that you cannot understand them, but it still feels annoying -- I don't know. You are who you are; you're all you've got. Take it as it is. Or my newest personal catchphrase: Own It. (not unique, I know)